Slapped by the Stars 1:1 Astro Session

Do not book this fucking session unless you want honesty.

Slapped by the Stars is a raw, unfiltered, one-on-one astrology session for when you’re ready to understand what the fuck is actually going on.

This isn’t your feel-good astrology reading.

I’m not here to tell you that everything happens for a reason, that you’re a ✨beautiful cosmic being✨, and send you on your way.

We’re going deeper.

We’ll use your birth chart and current transits to uncover the patterns, contradictions, blind spots, strengths, and themes that are shaping how you move through your life.

We can look at:

• How you operate in relationships, intimacy, conflict, and connection
• How you’re wired to work, create, lead, and build
• Repeating patterns showing up in your relationships, career, or business
• The parts of yourself you may be avoiding, suppressing, or misunderstanding
• What’s actually happening astrologically right now
• Major themes, transitions, and turning points unfolding in your life
• How to work with your current transits instead of getting blindsided by them
• What’s coming up so you can make conscious choices instead of reacting after the fact

This is the session for when you’re saying:

“Okay. What the fuck is actually happening here?”

And you’re willing to hear the answer.

Because your chart isn’t a prediction of what’s going to happen to you.

It’s a map of how you operate and understanding that map gives you the power to prepare, pivot, and make different choices.

You might get validated.

You might get called the fuck out.

You might see something you’ve been avoiding.

You might finally understand why you keep doing the thing you keep doing.

But you will not leave with the same perspective you walked in with.

Come ready to get slapped by the stars.